Don't Leave Me
by StevexBuckyx
Summary: Bucky cares for Steve during a tough time. WARNING: this isn't for the faint of heart. Involves many touchy topics that are listed at the beginning of the chapters. / stucky Stevebucky preserum pre-serum / please leave a review!
1. Chapter 1

This fic talks about rape, homophobia, suicide, ptsd and depression. If you are sensitive about any of those things please don't read.

If you're fine with it, enjoy.

-00000-

I was walking down the street when I saw a group of bullies from school walk out an alley laughing. Steve. I hadn't seen him in a while. I instantly ran down the alley to find my best friend laying in a ball. He was shaking violently. His pants stained with blood.

"Oh my god Steve," I called dropping to my knees beside him, I scooped him up into my arms, "what happened."  
"T-they t-t-took adv-v-vantage o-of m-m-me," he cried into my chest, still shaking.

Tears filled my eyes. I had promised to protect him from the horrors of the world. He had opened up to me about being queer, I didn't let it ruin our friendship. The bullies must've found out somehow.

"You're safe now, they can't hurt you anymore."  
"C-c-can we g-g-go h-h-home?" He cried softly.  
"Of course."

That night I carried him home. When we got back I laid him on the couch. He was still shaking.

"I'm going to run you a bath, I'll be back."

I got up and walked over to the bathroom. The water started to run, but I could still hear his broken sobs. He's only 16, it wasn't fair. When the bath was filled, I walked out to find him still in the position I left him.

"Can you walk?" I asked, kneeling down next to him, placing my hand on his shoulder softly.

He didn't answer, just laid their shaking. I picked him up and carried him to the bathroom. I took his shirt off for him. A giant bruise on his stomach, which was obviously from earlier, stood out to me.

"Stevie," I spoke softly, placing a hand on his bruise only for him to smack my hand away.  
"I-I'm s-s-s-sorry I'm s-s-s-such a b-b-burden."  
"Don't say that, you're not a burden. Who told you that?"  
"H-h-h-Harry...h-he u-u-used a s-s-stick and he...h-h-he..."

His entire body started shaking again. I ran my hand through his hair and hugged him.

"Shhh, you don't have to say anything. You just need to get clean. I'll leave the door open, I'll come check on you. Just call me if you need someone. Love you Stevie."  
"Th-th-thanks B-Buck. Love you too."

I smiled at him before walking out.

A few minutes later I went to go check on him. He was unconscious under water.

"Steve!" I yelled running to his aid. I pulled his head out the water. His heart still beating, but he wasn't breathing, "wake up! Steve!"

I pulled him out the tub and laid him on the tiles. His whole body was bruised from what the bullies did.

"Stevie please, come back to me! I need you. P-please."

His heartbeat was slowing. I tried cpr. Mouth to mouth. He wasn't waking. I wrapped him up in the coat and made a run for my car. I placed him on the backseat. I hopped in and started driving. The road felt endless with my whole world slipping away. He was silent.

When I made it to the doctors office, I ran inside holding him in my arms.

"Someone help!" I yelled through tears, "he's not breathing!"  
"What happened?" A nurse asks as she took him from me.  
"I found him, under water. P-p-please help."

The nurse took him away. The waiting room was full of people visiting loved ones. They had all seen me running in with him in my arms. Many of them knew Steve and I. The elderly woman who lives next door to us got up. She gave me a hug.

"It's going to be ok," she comforted me.

I didn't respond. I just cried into her shoulder.

-0-

I sat nervously in the waiting room.

"James," one of the nurses called, "you can see him now."

I instantly jumped too my feet and ran into the room. He was laying still. He watched me as I walked in.

"Steve," I ran to his side, my eyes still filled with tears, "don't you ever scare me like that ever again."  
"Buck..." he said weakly.  
"I thought I'd lost you. I-I thought I'd never see you again."  
"It just hurts. They t-t-took advantage. I d-d-d-don't want to be h-h-here anymore," he cried.  
I grabbed his hand, "you can't go, I need you."  
"You'd be better off with me gone."  
"Did you not hear me? I need you. I don't know what I'd do if you left," a tear ran down my cheek, "I'll get you all the help you want. I promise, j-just please...stay."

Steve's grip on my hand loosened.

"Steve? Steve!"

The nurse grabbed my shoulder and pulled me out the room. As the door closed, I could see nurses and doctors running to his beside.

"No..." I whispered to myself, "please Steve...don't let go."

-0-

The nurses later informed me that he would be discharged later that week. They said I should go home, but I refused. I stayed at his side until he was cleared to leave.

His frail body walked out the room. He gave me the softest smile.  
"Stevie," I ran up to him and gave him a hug."  
"Let's go home."

-0-

Many nights after, I awoke to him moving violently beside me. Screaming and crying.

"Steve," I shook him, "wake up!"

His eyes opened. He quickly pushed himself up so he was sitting.

"It was just a dream, you're safe, I'm here."  
"I'm sorry," he started to cry, "I'm sorry for waking you."  
"Don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry, for anything. Just try go back to sleep."

He laid back down and so did I. We laid in silence, until he broke it.

"Bucky..."  
"Yeah?"  
"C-c-can you hold me?"  
"Of course."

I moved closer to him. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Thankyou."

We both drifted off.

Many nights happened like this. Every time I held him, my heart ached. I love him, more than a friend should. I always have. I don't want him to know, I don't want him to be put in that position. Right now, he just need someone to keep him arm at night and tell him everything will be ok.

-000000-

Hey, if you guys are interested I'm going to add more to this story. I'm thinking of having this end with Steve leaving him with endgame, taking everything in the mcu as canon.


	2. Chapter 2

This fic talks about rape, homophobia, murder, suicide, ptsd and depression. If you are sensitive about any of those things please don't read.

If you're fine with it, enjoy.

-00000-

Electric shocks. Yelling. Fear. Pleading. Begging. Blood. Crying. Murder. Frozen. Who knew the war would lead to this? I know he did everything in his power to save me. He tried so hard, but I'm still here. I'm still with Hydra. They keep wiping my brain, but I keep remembering. I don't think Steve needs me anymore, but I still need him.

I know it's been many years. I fought back for 20. They just keep freezing me every time I did. I don't think Steve is even still alive. I want to see him again. I'd do anything just to hold him again.

I don't want to be hurting all these people. I know I have to. If I don't, they'll hurt me again. They'll take advantage of me again, the way those people once did to Steve. They'll wipe my brain. They'll make me forget him again. There's this one girl here from the KGB. She's nice. I think her name is Natalia. She was only young when I met her, about 15 years old. She has tried to help me stay me, but the training hurts too much. I'm scared if I keep stepping out of line they'll hurt her.

"Hey," Natalia spoke, interrupting me from my thoughts. She sat next to me.  
"Hey."  
"I have my graduation ceremony today."  
"Are you sure you want to go through with it?"  
"I have to. I have no choice, but when I escape I'll come back for you. I promise."  
"Y-you mean that?"  
"Of course."  
I hugged her. Holding back tears I whispered softly, "thank you."

-0-

"Soldier, I have a mission for you."  
"Yes sir."  
"I need you to track down Captain America and execute him. I want him gone."  
"Yes sir."

"I found him, I found Captain America. He's in a car with three over people," I said to Pierce.

The whole fight was a blur. All I remember was he looks familiar. So does the girl he's with. They're both good fighters. Captain America grabbed my jaw and threw me. My mask came off. I was about to go back in for the kill when he called out a name, a name I recognise.

"Bucky?" He blurted out, tears forming in his eyes.

Steve. This is Steve. The man I love, the man I swore to protect.

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

His new friend kicked me over. Steve. T-that girl...is Natalia. She promised to come back for me. She never did. She left me all alone. How is Steve alive? It's been years.

Natalia shot at me, I ran. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stay. I couldn't kill them. I ran, I got out of there as fast as I could. I went straight back to Pierce.

It stings. Then fixing my arm. I don't care. I remember everything. I remember falling from the train, Steve calling my name as I fell from his grasp, snow, Zola, them giving me my arm, cryo...lots of cryo. It's all too much. I hit the hydra agent away from me. I can't deal with this. Why am I here? Why did I come back? I could've ran. I didn't.

All their guns are on me now. I'm out numbered. I can't fight these people. They'll win. Pierce. I see him. He tells them to lower their guns. What is he doing to do to me? What will become of me? Will I still remember?

"Mission report," he speaks.

I don't respond.

"Mission report, now."

A burning sensation covers my cheek. He hit me. Not the worst he's done, but it snaps me back into reality.

"There was a man on the bridge...who was he?" I ask, knowing full well who it is. I just want to hear it from him.  
"You met him earlier this week on another assignment."  
"I knew him."

Those three words lingered in the air. Pierce knows I know him, Pierce knows him too. He sat down.

"Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century and I need you to do it one more time."

No.

"Society is as a tipping point between order and chaos...tomorrow morning we're going to give it a pushed, but if you don't do your part, I can't do mine. Then hydra won't be able to give the world the freedom it deserves."  
"But I knew him."

I knew by the look on Pierce's face, I shouldn't of said that.

"Prep him."  
"He's been out of cryo freeze for too long."  
"Then wipe him and start over.

Before I knew it I felt it all again. Electric shocks. Pain. Yelling. Fear. Pleading. Begging. Blood. Crying. Murder. Frozen.

-000000-

That's it for this chapter, hope you guys enjoyed :)


	3. Chapter 3

This fic talks about rape, homophobia, murder, suicide, ptsd and depression. If you are sensitive about any of those things please don't read.

If you're fine with it, enjoy.

I'm going to take most things that happened in the mcu as canon, but I'm disregarding Civil War to make this easier for me to write.

Also, sorry for taking forever to upload this. I wrote this part a while back, but didn't think anyone was even reading it, but here's part 3

-00000-

He stood there, in front of me. His uniform. I recognised it. I couldn't place my finger on it, but it was a part of my past.

"People are gonna die Buck," he spoke, "I can't let that happen."

That name...I knew it. Was he talking to me?

Tears stared to form in the mans eyes, his voice shaky, "please don't make me do this."

We fought. He completed his mission, now it was time for me to complete mine.

I had got trapped under a metal bar from the helicarrier. He lifted it off me. I'm not quite sure why. I don't know him. Do I? He set me free anyway.

"You know me," he panted.  
"No I don't!" In yelled, swinging my arm at him. Memories started to come back. This man...maybe I do know him.  
"Bucky, you've known me your whole life."

I hit him again out of emotion. This man had some connection to my past, I just don't remember how.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."  
"Shut up!" I hit him again.  
"I'm not going to fight you," he said as he dropped his shield, "you're my friend."

I ran forwards and tackled him to the floor.

"You're my mission," I started to punch him repeatedly, "YOURE-MY-MISSION!"

I couldn't bring myself to hit him anymore. Tears formed in my eyes, my vision blurred. I knew him. I knew this man. I couldn't kill him.

"Then finish it," he croaked, "cuz I'm with you til the end of the line."

Steve. Brooklyn. War. Friendship. Love. Passion. Happiness. Smiling. Warm. Laughter. It was all coming back to me. Oh my god. What had I done? I just bloodied up the one man I swore to protect all those years ago.

He fell through the helicarrier as it broke down into the river. I couldn't let him die. I couldn't finish my mission. I...I loved him at one time. Maybe still do. I can't let him drown. So many emotions at once. I'm not used to emotion, not that I know of anyway.

I pulled him out of the river. I laid him softly on the riverbank. I waited for him to move to make sure he was alive. Then I left.

-0-

To look for answers, I visited the Smithsonian.

Bucky Barnes...that's me. Tears filled my eyes. There I am. I'm smiling, laughing. And Steve...he's next to me. I walked closer. I look different. My hair is short...my arm is flesh. Steve looks the same.

"B-Bucky.." a voice spoke behind me.

I turned to see him. Steve. His face bruised, most likely from me.

"S...Steve?"  
"Do you know me?"  
"I think. You used to be small."  
He smiled through watery eyes, "I missed you."  
"And I waited for you to save me. I also waited for Natalia, I know you're friends with her now."  
"D-do you mean Natasha?"  
"I don't know, I don't remember," I looked to the ground, "all I know is neither of you came to save me."  
"I thought you were dead, Buck. I thought you were gone."

Everyone in the Smithsonian was looking at us and whispering.

"We need to go talk somewhere else," he said, "follow me."

Reluctantly, I followed him. He led me into an alley, I genuinely thought he was going to kill me. That was before he hugged me and cried into my shoulder.

"I can't believe you're back," he cried, "I just wish you had remembered me sooner, before we had to fight."  
"I thought about you everyday...I don't remember it all, but all the days I remember you were in my mind."  
"I'm sorry for you having to go through all that," he cried, still with his arms wrapped around me.  
"P...please stay, now more than ever. I can't lose you Steve, you're all I have left."  
"I'm never leaving you, never again."

-0000-

That's it for this chapter :) 


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